Birthday Party for my 2 year old

I've spent the last few days crying uncontrollable for moments at a time. Only able to regain composure to do a few things to get myself together. I am absolutely anxiety stricken over making the best birthday party for my son, who turned 2 on June 20th, this Saturday. I know I'm being unreasonable. Same feelings overwhelmed me at Christmas time. Cooking the perfect dinner, gifting the best presents, presenting a clean household. Absolutely overwhelmed with all that I need to do. Best part is that it is forecast to rain so I may have to stuff my guests into my small house. 4 of my guests are deathly allergic to dogs (I'm allergic as well, so I've found). There's no way I will be able to keep them healthy in my house and that really bothers me.

Other thing is that if it doesn't rain I need to have a spotless home AND backyard. OK, I don't know how to care for a yard. I mow and that's shotty at best. I just learned how to mow last year after now ex left. Never mowed a lawn in my life. Culture shock, lol! I feel so much pressure to have a nicely pruned lawn and weedless flower beds and flowers in those beds. I was able to compose myself enough to buy myself some flowers. Just need time to plant before Saturday.

Menu. News flash. I'm a single mommy. I don't have much cash for throwing a party but somehow I managed to spend $90 on chips and pop last night. ARGH. Oh and I bought a meat, cheese and crackers tray. I bought an Elmo cake pan and frosting garb. Also grabbed Elmo cupcake papers. My brother says I need to make goody bags for all the kids. There won't be many coming. So that shouldn't be too hard. Candy and chips, maybe a little toy. Yup, overwhelmed.

Flipped out on my boyfriend last night because we've been dating 10 months and I still haven't heard "I love you" out of his mouth. Seems like if you date someone for a year at my age...you get married. I can't even get 3 words out of this guy. = no marriage. OK. I'm turning 28 this year. I'm not getting any younger. I want more kids, one day. Just want to do things right. If he doesn't see it going anywhere after a year I'm out. No sense freaking out on him about it (in retrospect). Either he loves me or he doesn't. Right now it's looking more like, "loves me not". Oh well. Try again later.

UPDATE: I won the Mad Men prize! 2 tickets for a trip to LA!! Airfare, hotel, Mad Men premiere tickets, and spending cash! WHOOT!! I am one lucky bitch. July 20th is the date. Damn. I need a dress!