Man Woman

I'm excited today. I've gotten a babysitter and a sugar mama to take me out to the Mad Men/Women Adcraft event tonight. Looking forward to it. I let my son pick out my skirt today since I couldn't decide. He's pretty smart. It does look good and makes me feel good. Last night I laid his bed with him to get him to go to sleep and we went back and forth saying "I love you". It was the cutest thing EVER.

It made me think back to when he was younger (He's almost 2 now). I realized that half of my resentment toward his father (my now EX-husband) is due to me feeling cheated out of that joy. Everything was a fight when we were together and everything was rushed. I wasn't allowed to just enjoy my son. The son I almost died having. I resent that he cheated me out of that joyful experience, or at least that he tried to. After he left I was so incredibly sad and couldn't even focus on being a great Mom. I was just there. That makes me feel guilty. But...I needed time to heal so I can be a great Mom today and everyday after. I love my son like nothing I've ever loved before. It's amazing. Tangent! I'm still learning each day (post-divorce). :-)